On May 17th, 1995 Shawn Nelson went on a rampage of epic, epic proportions. On the evening of the 17th, Nelson traded in his Chevy Van for a M60 Patten Tank and went on a 23 minute rampage. The unemployed plumber stole the tank from a US National Guard Armory and went on a joyride in the Clairemont area of San Diego. Not surprisingly, the 57 ton tank had no
problem destroying cars, vans, signs and a full RV. He even tried to knock down a bridge, but gave up when it wouldn’t go down after the first couple of rams.
The over-extended chase (where San Diego Police looked completely over matched and foolish at times) only came to an end because Nelson got stuck trying to cross the medium on the freeway and drive into oncoming traffic.
Now, granted police don’t have to stop runaway tanks too often, but wouldn’t one think that a military town like San Diego (with countless bases, armories, posts and hell, even defense contractors) could have come up with a better plan to stop the guy than awkwardly follow him with police cars? It was like watching a pack of intimidated third graders trying to retrieve their stolen lunch from an 8th grader; it’s just not going to happen. Run another tank at it, bust out an RPG, box it in with cement trucks and bulldozers, place a land mine, hell put a crate of puppies in front of it… Do something!!
Finally for Shawn Nelson… Oh Shawn Nelson. I do have to give him props for originality… but I can’t.
I’ve just come home from a hard day at work, my jackass boss yelled at me for a mistake that HE made, and the restaurant screwed up my order at lunch. All I’m looking forward to is sitting down on my couch with a beer (or two, or four) and drowning out my nagging wife. I sit down, ready to drink myself to happiness and I hear CRUNNNCHHHHHH. I go outside and see this:
And NOW I have to call my insurance agent, who now isn’t in the office until tomorrow. Thanks asshole.
How is this a good idea? What even goes through someone’s mind as they contemplate this? Well thanks to our HRTA top secret time traveling thought reading device we were able to get inside Nelson’s mind:
Oh hi self… You know, I’m really tired of the rat race, I need to change it up… I think I’ll get a haircut… Nah, that’s not enough. Maybe I’ll train for a triathlon, that’s a great idea… Eh, but it’s so much work………… By-golly I got it! I’m going to go steal a tank! And then, ummmm, yea, I guess I’ll drive around in it… and fuck shit up. Yessss. This is a great way to break up the monotony of my day. Day seized!
It’s this kind of thinking that sets mankind back thousands of years. Let’s just consider ourselves lucky that Nelson wasn’t a truly successful maniac, and didn’t kill anyone.
(HRTA is officially no longer a virgin blog – yay Roscoe!)
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