Harold Camping

by Ronny Sunshine on June 21, 2011 · 0 comments

Hey remember that asshole Harold Camping?  You know the asshole that predicted the world would end last month and made a big spectacle with his radio show and billboards?  Man what a tool (of the Lord) that guy was.

History is full of assholes that have predicted the end of the world.  We had

Nostradamus, David Koresh, that asshole that yells at you to repent as

you drunkenly stumble from bars in any downtown area… the list seems endless.  Harold Camping predicted that God would judge the world, Jesus would return, and that all Christians would be taken up to heaven on May 21, 2011.  After this, all of the Muslims, Jews, non-believers and anyone else that got it wrong would be stuck on earth with no way of making it to heaven and a countdown clock until the world ended on October 21, 2011.

Harold Camping is 89 years old.  I personally just assume that anything anyone over 75 says is nonsense (and probably borderline racist) but for some reason a lot of people took to his message.  In fact enough people took to it that his radio company, Family Radio, was able to spend over $100 million on an information campaign.  Yes… $100 million dollars that could have been used to help the economy, feed orphans, and save the abused animals in the commercials with Sarah McLachlan and Jackie from Roseanne.  But no, this asshole spends this money to spread information for something that didn’t even happen.  What happened to the good ol’ days of

just making a Facebook event for this sort of thing?

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Now what makes him even more of an asshole is not only was he wrong, but he was wrong before… twice.  He predicted the world would end on May 21, 1988 and September 7, 1994.  He blamed it on “miscalculations”.  When asked about getting it wrong this time around he answered like any asshole would – he said he wasn’t wrong, and that there was instead a “spiritual judgment” and that the rapture that he claimed would happen on May 21 would actually happen on the same day as the end of the world – October 21, 2011.

There are a few possibilities about why Harold Camping was wrong.  Maybe he just got his math wrong (possibly why he didn’t pursue his degree in civil engineering).  After all he uses Numerology to arrive at his dates and if assholes like Pythagoras (the guy that came up with the Pythagorean Theorem that haunted us through high school) use it, it’s gotta be a good system.  Or maybe Harold Camping is just a crazy old douche bag.  The latter seems the most reasonable, but that’s not good enough for me.  I like to think that the passing of Macho Man Randy Savage on May 20 had something to do with it and it went something like this.


By now you’re probably wondering what happened to the assholes poor followers that donated money to Camping and gave away all their possessions.  Like this guy that spent his life savings of $140,000 to spread the message about the rapture.  Well, Camping had an answer for that too.  He said, “We’re not in the business of financial advice.  We’re in the business of telling people there’s someone who you can maybe talk to, maybe pray to, and that’s God.”  When asked why he didn’t give away all of his possessions since he was so sure he was right he said, “I still have to live in a house, I still have to drive a car.  What would be the value of that? If it is Judgment Day why would I give it away?”  Sound logic to me.

Harold Camping has gotten a little bit of just due however.  On June 9, 2011 he had a stroke.  He didn’t die (he’s a tough geriatric), however he’s having issues with his speech.  Maybe that was the result of God punishing him for being an asshole.  Or maybe it’s punishment for his crimes against the Internet.  Either way maybe that will keep this asshole from making more predictions when he ends up being wrong again.  At least we can still wait on the asshole Mayans’ prediction for 2012.  Until then I’ll keep deferring my student loans.

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